in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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