The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
