One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
