Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
