just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
