Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
