My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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