Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
