Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
