i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
