Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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