So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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