hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
