I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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