Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
