oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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