Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I enjoy the company of your penis
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
