found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
