...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
