did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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