kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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