how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
