U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
