Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
