my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
