Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
