In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
