i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
