last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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