hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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