It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
