then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
