I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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