This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
