There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
