i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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