from now on my penis is your penis
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
