it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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