dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
