I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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