so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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