Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
