Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
