Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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