Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
