You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
