I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
