do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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