im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
