i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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