We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
