I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
