I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
