you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
