dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
