This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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