I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
