Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
