holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
