She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
