Do you still have your period?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
