Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
