I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
