why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
